Welcome to my monthly newsletter. Small steps lead to big change. Why are small steps so important? When we begin a commitment to change, big leaps can feel overwhelming, creating paralysis, fear, and self-doubt. When we move forward with small steps, we begin to see clarity, momentum, and change. Join me in the conversation about change. All are welcome. Let's explore together.
Do you ever feel stuck?
One of the most common comments I hear in my practice is "I feel stuck." It resonates with me because I've been stuck many times in my life. Being stuck along the journey of life is a part of our experience. We have moments along the way where we hit roadblocks; sometimes they are easier to navigate, and other times, much more difficult.
Being stuck is associated with difficult emotions, feelings in the body, thoughts in the mind, and often results in reactions and behaviours that I often hear described as unintentional, "not like me," and "out of my control." I can remember when I felt stuck in my grief when my grandma died. I was 18 years old, and she was my best friend. She was the person I went to for everything: to share stories, tell my secrets, and, when I was sad, to cry on her shoulder. She had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was 14, and I watched her slip slowly into the various stages, becoming someone I did not know anymore and, eventually, over time, facing her inability to recognize the rest of our family and me. We had moved her to Toronto from Montreal when I was 16, and having her close in her later years was meaningful to me. I spent much of my time at the long-term care home where she lived, visiting with her and volunteering to be near her. I knew she was going to die one day, but I never thought it would be the next day. I can remember each moment of the day she passed away like it was yesterday, but any moment after that while I was grieving is gone. I allowed myself to grieve, but I found it so difficult to move past the grief. I became stuck in it. I remember being afraid that this was how I would be spending the rest of my life. I was so sad and felt a void in my life and my heart. I was worried it could never be filled again. Without writing all about grief, I am so grateful I found my way through the difficult emotions and, with support, navigated my way forward. I look at her picture every day, and I keep her letters on my desk. She is still very much a part of me and my memories, and I cherish that. It took me a while to recognize I was stuck and allow myself to find the right support to help me connect to my grief and become unstuck. I learned so much about myself in the process. Now, I have also learned how to support others on their journey to figuring out how to move through being stuck.
In many circumstances, we become stuck in the past. There are many reasons why the past may root itself in the present and hold a grip on us. Here are a few of the common ways that I see in my conversations:
1. Emotions keep resurfacing like flashbacks from past events.
2. Unconscious repetition: choosing and repeating similar events to past patterns, walking in the same cycle over again
3. Numbing or avoiding vs. feeling with a rationalization that the past feelings are unresolvable or too painful and therefore should not be surfaced.
4. Refocusing yourself on the external world for validation, identifying with perfectionism, masking, and feeling inauthentic.
5. Inability to remember your past, sometimes leading to dissociation (not always). We all have pockets of memory loss when it comes to childhood; this loss remains on a continuum.
6. An ongoing feeling of unworthiness holding you back from living a full and purposeful life.
Do any of these resonate with you? Or maybe you want to learn more about one of these. Please reach out and I would be happy to chat more with you.
"Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something... If you remain stuck, you learn nothing."
Eckhart Tolle~
Mindful Resources
Something to watch: for an educational experience and some tips on how to unstick, join Mel Robbins and Seth Godin here:
Something to read: If you are truly committed to becoming unstuck and have the attuned awareness that you are part of the stickiness, an amazing book to begin creating momentum of moving through becoming unstuck is Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza: https://a.co/d/0hCWdSYh
Not only have I read this book, but I have also taken Dr. Joe's Progressive course and attended his one-week intensive program. His work underlies the definition of transformation. He creates a true community of practice and helps bridge gaps so we can all better understand the science behind the mind-body connection and feel less lost and confused.
Something coming soon:
I am excited to announce a new online course I am offering through the clinic where I work part-time, Turning Point Counselling. We will begin intakes this month.
The course, Building Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), is open to anyone, even if you have taken a program before.
Who is the program for?
Anyone can learn MSC. It is the practice of repeatedly evoking goodwill and kindness to yourself, especially in moments of struggle, pain and suffering. Most of us feel compassion towards others, often towards our good friends and loved ones. We struggle when it comes time to shift that same care and attention towards ourselves, allowing ourselves to receive love, kindness, and support.
It is a program that is scientifically proven to help those affected with anxiety, stress, mood disorders, pain, shame, sleep issues and more.
What will you learn?
How to stop being so hard on yourself - understanding the inner critic and developing the inner compassionate self
How to handle difficult emotions with greater ease
How to motivate yourself with encouragement rather than criticism
How to transform difficult relationships, both old and new
Mindfulness & self-compassion practices for home and everyday life
The theory & research behind Mindful Self-Compassion
How to become your own best teacher
What to expect:
10-week program
Weekly schedule with 1.5-2 hours per week, Wednesday evenings
7 pm EST
Certified Mindful Self-Compassion teacher
Cost: $200 (+ workbook - recommended, not required)
Monthly Meditation
If you did not get a chance to unlock and shift last month, you have an opportunity to try this one again. Unlocking, shifting, and allowing your mind to be present takes practice. Sometimes that means using the same meditation more than once to create safety, confidence, and trust. Try doing the same meditation a few times and notice the differences you experience, without judgment. Take a nice deep breath and enjoy!
I appreciate you being here and taking the time to read and connect. I love to hear from you, so please feel free to reach out; let me know what you are enjoying, what you want more of, and what you want to learn about.
Warmest,
Jen James
RP (Q), MACP
jenjames@doublejtherapy.com
