Do you ever feel lonely? If the answer is yes, you aren't alone...

I sometimes feel lonely even though my life is full of wonderful people, love, and purpose. I know from speaking to people in my community that this is a common experience and research backs this contradictory feeling. Not only that, but research tells us that loneliness is a universal feeling, meaning that the effects of it are similar across all cultures (Barreto et al., 2020). That does not make it better or worse, but it does validate the commonality of the experience, connecting it as widespread and vast, and there can be value in that. Dr. Lee of Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto shares that loneliness knows no borders and touches all (Dangerfield, 2023). The Government of Canada, Statistics Canada (2021), ran a study on loneliness and discovered that women experience loneliness at higher rates than men, and the same goes for youth. Those who do report being lonely have fair or poor mental health. I spend time every month on the Distress Lines talking to people, supporting them with what they need in the present moment, and loneliness is the #1 reason people call the lines to talk. Loneliness is often referred to as a silent epidemic. It opposes our natural wants and needs, pushing us away from our natural state of being loved, valued, needed, and embraced by others.
When we do not feel that our needs are being fulfilled, it's normal to experience opposing feelings and behaviours... hot and cold, heavy and light, needed and unwanted, valued and worthless, sad and happy, silent and loud, in and out, open and closed, sleepy and awake... . When I googled the opposite of lonely, the word that Google presented me was popular. It made me pause with curiosity. I'm not sure I want to be popular. Sometimes I enjoy being alone, and at other times, it feels empty and isolating. Loneliness is a vast and complex feeling for me. I recognize that it remains pervasive for many of us. Let's work together to gain a deeper understanding of it. By learning more about topics like loneliness and increasing our self-awareness about it, we become better equipped and empowered to manage our experiences with it more effectively. So let's get to it.
​WHAT IS LONELINESS?​
Loneliness is considered to be subjective. It is an unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship that occurs when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of social relationships a person has and those they desire. It is often married up with isolation; however, it is distinct and different, and it is not dependent on it. You can be lonely without being isolated (Reinhardt et al., 2021). We experience loneliness when we feel disconnected. We may be lacking connection to a group or we may be feeling like we are no longer belonging. Loneliness and being alone are two distinct things (Brooke & Brown, 2022). It is essential to recognize that loneliness serves as a signal to us that we need connection, much like hunger signals our need for food.
​ WHAT CAUSES IT?​
​There are many possible reasons for feeling lonely. Here are some of the top documented reasons to consider:

• Technology
• Insufficient time with friends and family
• Mental health challenges
• Individualistic ideals
• No community engagement
• Recent loss or grief
• Recent diagnosis of illness or disorder

(What Is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?, 2024)​
​COMMON SYMPTOMS OF LONELINESS​
​It is likely we will all feel loneliness at some point in our lives so it is important to understand how to identify it. There are some common symptoms that are prevalent in the loneliness experience. As you read through the list know that there is nothing wrong with being lonely or experiencing it. Here are some of the common ways of being when we are lonely:
1. We wish for more friendships
2. You feel like no one understands you
3. You feel alone, even when you're surrounded by people
4. Socializing is of no interest to you. The idea of being around people feels exhausting and daunting.
5. Overall, you feel stuck and down.
6. The body is often described as feeling "off". This can include physical symptoms like, headaches, lethargy, body aches, dullness, and sleep problems.
7. Increased use of technology like social platforms to curb boredom and fill gaps.
8. Your routine slips, healthy habits begin to fail.
There is no doubt in my mind that loneliness doesn't feel good. I know from my own experiences that when it begins to set in the natural reaction is to turn away from everyone, run, hide, isolate. The reality is the antidote to loneliness is the opposite of what we want to do in the moment. The antidote is love, kindness, support and care from ourselves and others. While it may be challengning, we have the ability to choose and own our path out of loneliness. For some tips on how to naviagate forward from loneliness to reconnected, look below. No one needs to be alone.
For support in your time of need reach out to me at any time at jennjames@advocatinghope.ca or please call the Distress Centers of Greater Toronto: 416-408-HELP (4357)
​

Tips for Managing Loneliness:

1. The antidote for loneliness is connection. It may feel uncomfortable but pushing yourself to connect is the solution to loneliness. Try exploring something new like joining a class class or club. This can stimulate your creativity and give you hope which is essential. Hope gives us something to look forward to during the day, week, and our future.
2. If you don't enjoy clubs or classes perhaps volunteering and giving your time to others could be a wonderful way to stave off your loneliness and connect to purpose. It also brings benefits of altruism and meaning. Research shows that volunteering not only decreases loneliness but increases life satsifaction and connects us to a deeper sense of gratitude.
3. Consistently across the research one importance factor that shone through was acceptance. The more you can bring awareness to the situation, acknowledging and accepting where you are at, the more open you will become to moving forward. How can you do that? One of the best ways is labelling what you think, feel, and notice; speaking it out loud to yourself. Try something like this:
   I feel alone
   Being alone makes me feel sad
   I feel conflicted about my loneliness...on the one hand, I want to be alone, facing people feels overwhelming, and on the other hand, being alone makes me feel anxious
4. Try distraction techniques like working on a hobby at home, watching TV, making phone calls, or engaging in any activity you love. This keeps your mind occupied and focused on something that you enjoy doing.
5. Practice self-care. I like to keep a self-care diary or list nearby to remind myself of exactly what is important to me so I can access this easily. If you have a smartphone you can start yours right now. Write down a few ideas of physical, social, mental, emotional or spiriutal self-care that are important to you. Self-care should be part of everyones routine as it is proven to help us create balance in our lives and avoid burnout.
6. If the feelings persist over a long period of time it might be time to consider finding support. Consider connecting with a therapist to support you on the journey to help change your thoughts and actions.

Monthly Sharing Section...

NEWS TO SHARE: My doors are OPEN and I am officially a Registered Psychotherapist (qualifying). My practice focuses on helping adult individuals and couples who are navigating change within later life transitions. If you or someone you know is interested in learning more or booking an initial FREE consultation, please reach out to me at jennjames@advocatinghope.ca .
There are limited spaces availalbe for online and in person.

MORE NEWS: We're excited to share that our Airbnb, Lakefield Lounge House, is finally ready: https://www.airbnb.ca/rooms/1468912523717502608?guests=1&adults=1&s=67&unique_share_id=1632fd8f-e70e-4fdb-9596-5b8ed649356c. We have been working on renovating this space for the past year and a half. Connect with us and learn more about how to get an amazing opportunity to get away for your awesome and cost-friendly vacation...email me @ jen@admitone.ca and put in the subject line Family and Friends Lounge House.

Monthly Mindful Poem

“Alone” By Edgar Allan Poe​

From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were—I have not seen
As others saw—I could not bring
My passions from a common spring—
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow—I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone—
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—
​Then—in my childhood—in the dawn
Of a most stormy life—was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still—
From the torrent, or the fountain—
From the red cliff of the mountain—
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold—
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by—
From the thunder, and the storm—
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view—
​

With gratitude,
Jen James
jen@admitone.ca
​https://www.doublejstrategic.com/​

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References

Barreto, M., Victor, C., Hammond, C., Eccles, A., Richins, M. T., & Qualter, P. (2020). Loneliness around the world: Age, gender, and cultural differences in loneliness. Personality and Individual Differences, 169, 110066. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110066

Brooke, B., & Brown, B. (2022). Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience (The Concise).

Dangerfield, K. (2023, May 12). The loneliness epidemic: How social isolation can damage our minds and bodies. Global News. https://globalnews.ca/news/9684469/loneliness-crisis-canada-covid/

Government of Canada, Statistics Canada. (2021, November 24). The Daily — Canadian Social Survey: Loneliness in Canada. https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/211124/dq211124e-eng.htm

Reinhardt, G., Vidovic, D., & Hammerton, C. (2021). Understanding loneliness: a systematic review of the impact of social prescribing initiatives on loneliness. Perspectives in Public Health, 141(4), 204–213. https://doi.org/10.1177/1757913920967040

What is Causing Our Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It? (2024, October 25). Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/usable-knowledge/24/10/what-causing-our-epidemic-loneliness-and-how-can-we-fix-it