Finding strength amid chaos...

We all have moments where we need a bit more strength. It happens to all of us. Sometimes, when we need it most, it can seem like there is nowhere to look for more strength. The world can feel overwhelming, chaotic, and out of control. I know because I experience it, too. These feelings and experiences are ones that we all hold space for; it's part of being human, and it means it is common ground. No one is alone. The challenge is that when we feel this way, our instinct is to run away, isolate, shut down, ruminate, and/or build up negative self-talk. I talked about the survival instinct in my November newsletter: https://admitonedoublej.kit.com/posts/double-j-strategic-monthly-newsletter-mindful-november
​Should we stay, or should we run? Is there a right or wrong? I will not tell you what to do; however, I will remind you that being in survival mode constantly is dangerous and unsafe. There are ways to strengthen and build resilience and recognize and manage chaos safely.

What do I mean by chaos?​
I specifically reference our state of being that embodies confusion, uncertainty, randomness, and a general sense of uncontrollable spiral. As you read this, I am confident that each of you can resonate with one or all of those. Whether it is confusion about something someone has said to you, uncertainty about your future, feeling as though decisions are random, or perhaps you think the world is out of control. I do not judge any of this. Chaos and all of the thoughts and feelings around it are common and normal. Recently, I felt chaotic; my mother-in-law was deteriorating (she passed away a week ago), I was starting a new job brimming with uncertainty, and I was trying to balance all of my future hopes and dreams, keeping up with school, staying connected to my favourite yoga community and mindfulness practices. My world felt helter-skelter and in a flux of excitement and challenge simultaneously. I had to step back and evaluate what I could realistically keep and what needed to be sacrificed. It was a difficult exercise and continues to be. It has pushed me to focus on my strengths and challenge my weaknesses, creating space for essential decisions so I can continue to be present in everything I do and live true to my values.

Buddhism and Chaos​
I want to explain chaos through the eyes of Buddhism. For those unaware of Buddhism, chaos rests on awareness of the Three Poisons: attachment/greed, aversion/ill will, and ignorance/delusion (Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, 2024; Namchak, 2024). In the practices of Vipassana, the intention is to become familiar (more aware) with all of these poisons within yourself. Ultimately, on your path to enlightenment, you let go of all of them. This is why the practices and process of non-attachment are connected to well-researched and documented improvements in well-being and overall health (Sys et al., 2024). A perfect example was my awareness of my attachment to rewarding myself with sweet treats every night, even though it affected my sleep and mood. I had to let go of the attachment to the need for the sweet reward. Aversion/ill will is the second poison rooted in anger, aggression and fear. Recently, in my realm of chaos, I noticed my ability to remain patient diminished. I was walking out the door the other day, very early in the morning, with piles of bags, having packed myself up for a two-day stay with my father. As I left with the dogs in tow, Courtney asked me a question, and I snapped back in response, reactive impatience. He did nothing, said nothing to provoke me; I was merely suffering with impatience. I could feel it in my body. As I walked out the door, I mumbled, I really need to meditate...I'm sorry. This is aversion at its best. The last poison is ignorance, and it is often confusing for people because they assume it has the same meaning as Western world ignorance, but it does not. Ignorance in Buddhism is the root cause of all suffering and is our willingness to prevent ourselves from seeing the truth. Think of it as seeking pleasure in what causes pain, misunderstanding the reality of who we naturally are. A great example of this from my experience: I decided to pop the champagne bottle last night and enjoy a few glasses of my favourite bottle. I know the aftermath is disastrous for me: sleepless night, sweats, and exhaustion. I still did it. I sought pleasure in what causes great pain. I don't advise it, but we all do it.

So now that you know about the three poisons and your awareness is greater, how can you manage them better? I recommend a strengths-based approach to build your resilience toolkit. We all have strengths. A strengths-based model looks at your strengths while acknowledging what is holding you back, creating balance. The intention is to focus on existing strengths and emphasize them to accelerate change, growth, and development (Flückiger et al., 2023). For example, one of my strengths is my ability to remain calm during a conflict. Your turn, what is one of your strengths? If this makes you uncomfortable to answer, turn to your partner, kid, friend, spiritual advisor, or the person next to you and ask them to tell you one of your strengths. You have more than one; I promise you that. Now, jump to the Tips section below and learn how to build your toolkit with a strengths-based approach. Chaos is a state of being that does not have to be your new normal; you can learn how to manage it.

Tips to build strengths

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1. Try REFRAMING. Is this ever you? Someone comes to you with a request. For example, you are at work, and someone asks you to do something not in scope with your work; perhaps they want you to create something, a report. You know you can do it, but it takes time and some learning and research and is important for the team. You feel stressed.
​Initial reaction: "Why me? I don't have the time; can't someone else do it? Now, I have to find the time. I am soooo overwhelmed and frustrated.
​Action: I'm going to go talk about this with a variety of people....
​REFRAME: I haven't been asked to do this before. They chose me. They must think I am capable and competent. I'm going to do this the best that I can. I can do this, and if I need support, I'm going to ask for it.

2. Learn your strengths. We all face moments of doubt, uncertainty, fear, and anxiety. In those dark moments, we can reach for our strengths.
​Strengths booster exercise: Write down five of your strengths and post them on a piece of notepaper next to where you work where you can see them. Read them to yourself every day! Boost your energy and confidence, and don't wait for someone else to do it.

3. Be(come) solution-oriented. Being solution-oriented is a game changer no matter who you are or what you do The most common problem I hear from people is being overwhelmed by things they cannot control, which leads to more difficult emotions like anxiety, fear, and panic. Learning how to flex your problem-solving muscles enables you to temper difficult emotions.
​TRY THIS exercise:
​1. Write down the problem you are facing
2. Write down 2-3 solutions for your problem - take your time
3. Now, if someone were to challenge your solutions, what would they say, write down the pros and cons - advantages and disadvantages
4. Share your list with someone you trust and get feedback
5. Select the best one and move forward with a plan
6. If you need accountability, find a partner and get accountable!

Monthly Sharing Section...

A GOOD READ: I am so proud of my partner and good friend, Alan Muskett. He has recently published his book The Burnout Ladder, and I had the privilege to be an early reader. Everyone will benefit from this book. There is something to learn to support others for prevention, management, and noticing. If you want to clarify what burnout is and enjoy activities and an engaged learning environment, I highly recommend this read. Here is a link to the book on Amazon: https://a.co/d/dip5m6S​

WORTH LISTENING TO: Do you enjoy podcasts or audio experiences? I like to immerse myself in a good one from time to time. Check out our podcast. There is an experience for everyone as we cross a variety of genres. You can find all of the episodes we have launched here through this link to The Admit One Radio Hour: https://linktr.ee/admitoneradiohour​

SOMEONE I'M FOLLOWING: I am admittedly spending less time on social media these days. I am a music lover. For those of you who enjoy music as much as I do, I love to listen to chilled beats while I am writing or working. One of my favourite podcast channels is Purified Radio with Nora En Pure. Here is a link you can check out and listen: https://a.co/d/dip5m6S​

Monthly Mindful Meditation

Another short 3-minute meditation. Enjoy the practice.

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With gratitude,
Jen James
jen@admitone.ca
​https://www.doublejstrategic.com/​

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References

Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. (2024, August 23). The three institutional poisons: challenging collective greed, ill will, & delusion - Barre Center for Buddhist Studies. https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/article/the-three-institutional-poisons-challenging-collective-greed-ill-will-delusion/

Flückiger, C., Munder, T., Del Re, A. C., & Solomonov, N. (2023). Strength-based methods – a narrative review and comparative multilevel meta-analysis of positive interventions in clinical settings. Psychotherapy Research, 33(7), 856–872. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2023.2181718

Namchak. (2024, December 12). The Three Poisons of Buddhism | Namchak Community. Namchak Tibetan Buddhist Practice & Retreat. https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/three-poisons-of-buddhism/

Sys, S., Van Gordon, W., & Gilbert, P. (2024). A qualitative comparison of secular and Buddhist-Informed mental health practitioners’ perceptions of Non-Attachment. Mindfulness, 15(2), 345–358. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-023-02291-5